Overcoming Natural Hair Fears
Whether you are 25 or 55, your frame of reference to many things is shaped when you are a child. I grew up with The Brady Bunch and Charlie’s Angels. And it was clear to me at a very young age that my own tresses did not fit into the 70’s brand of beauty. That imagery along with other societal negative influences created debilitating natural hair fears, a load we can carry inside for decades.
For many years, relaxing my hair seemed necessary to feel attractive and feminine. When I moved to attend college, I feared not being able to find a competent stylist, instead of hard coursework. To go natural wasn’t an option. Alas, after decades of relaxers, I grew weary from the harsh chemical treatments and retouch regimen. It was only then that I considered transitioning. However, it STILL took me several years before I actually did it.
Why did I wait? Apparently I needed time to shift my thinking in several areas. It didn’t happen all at once or intentionally. If you are on the fence, maybe this will resonate with you.
Redefining Good Hair
This is a hot button topic, but any discussion about transitioning to natural hair is lost without touching upon it. After the civil rights movement and before the 2000s, positive images of black women wearing natural hair weren’t common. To me, straight hair meant having “good hair”.
Good hair meant fitting in. It meant not enduring probing and embarrassing questions about my natural hair. It meant not having to “deal” with it. As a girl, in the kitchen I sat…waiting for my mother to apply the Ultra Sheen and the hot comb to iron my strands. Later as a teen, this was replaced with the harsh, burning chemicals of a relaxer, all to placate the natural hair fears that had built up over time.
My eventual plunge into transitioning was fueled by exasperation with the relaxer prison. But for 30 years I sat at the bottom of that rope! I knew my natural hair wasn’t straight—but other than that I had no idea what my non-straight hair was like. After so many years living with straightness, I just didn’t remember.
What was my blessing in disguise? Curiosity.
I grew into seeing my own hair as beautiful, over time. It just happened, through my willingness to accept myself as I really am. I found that by letting my hair be, the “good hair” I wanted was there all along. Are you curious about yours? You may find that your natural hair is not as “bad” as you imagined. Once those coily strands are cared for the way they need to be, you might surprise yourself with how they look and feel.
Natural Hair Estrangement
As I said before, I didn’t know my hair. This inherent part of me was a stranger. Accordingly, it was all the more reason to keep my natural texture hidden–out of sight, out of mind.
My hair estrangement caused me to make assumptions of what it may be like, based on how it felt right before a retouch (dry, tight, and hard). I have since learned that the relaxer can damage the hair follicles, impacting the first new growth that emerges. So, I had to give patience to my hair and scalp and figure out what it needed. I had to respect the process of getting reacquainted, just like an old friend.
Change is scary, and I can’t lie–to go natural will change your regimen. However, it doesn’t need to be complicated or time consuming. No one grows without change, and your hair is no exception.
The Expense of Being a ‘Product Junkie’
Even before I went natural, the idea of a being a product junkie seemed to be synonymous with a natural hair lifestyle. As natural hair has become more popular, the sheer number of products geared toward natural hair has exploded.
I feared having to dedicate part of a closet (and my wallet) to all these products. My natural hair would “need” them to look and feel great. What I’ve learned is, no one product is a ‘holy grail’.
Simplicity is key to a good regimen. To be an ingredient sleuth is the best way to navigate the natural hair care aisle at the store.
Oh the hours of work required…
Those first few months after my transition were enlightening and fun. I was addicted to YouTube videos and eager to try different styles. But as my hair grew thicker and longer, so did the time required. I looked for styles that saved me time and have settled into the Wash & Go as my go-to. The important thing is, you can spend as much or as little time caring for and styling your natural tresses! My old narrative of natural hair being too time consuming was an easy excuse not to do it. I had to dig deep–face the fear of my natural hair head on. Eight years into a natural hair lifestyle, my regimen fits well into my busy life. Now, my only thought about my prolonged hesitation is,
“What took me so damn long to go natural?”
If I have any regrets now, it’s wishing I’d done it sooner.
If you wish to transition but need to quell your natural hair fears, download my free resource, Transition Tip Guide. It gives tips for each phase of a one-year transition from relaxed to natural hair. Check it out!
