Your Natural Hair Relationship
Your natural hair relationship is like the early days of that with a lover–clumsy and a little awkward. But spend some quality time communicating and nurturing, and bliss will eventually arrive.
Communication is something to work at over time to maintain the magic. Similarly, the first twelve months of a natural hair journey is like the first few dates with a new mate. Even though your hair is technically dead tissue, it has a lively personality that you must get to know.
I realize now that all the years I relaxed my hair, I’d been at war with it, like a drawn-out bitter divorce. I was consistently forcing my hair to do things it didn’t want to, so it rebelled by giving me back the misery of brittleness and breakage. Once I gave that up and the new growth started growing in, it was time for me to reacquaint myself with this new suitor and redefine the relationship.
Understanding your hair
There is a learning curve to understanding what our natural hair is telling us. I didn’t learn the language right away; it took some time to become fluent and I had to undo a lot of bad habits. My relaxed hair was easy to comb. But as new growth took over and the comb didn’t slip through my dense coils, I resumed fighting with it to force submission. The only language I was learning was how many ways I could use four-letter words.
Like a teenager that goes to their room and locks the door when they don’t get their way, my hair rebelled as well by breaking off. This is where I had to dig deep and add to my growing vocabulary of hair language to change my techniques—be gentle, be patient, work in sections, use your fingers to detangle. Just as you would soothe a loved one in distress, my hair needed the same compassion.
What to focus on in the first twelve months
So how do you sort out a disagreement with your significant other? It starts with communication. And the same goes for your hair. It tries to tell you when it has a problem, you just have to listen. And the first 12 months is when to perk up your senses for this detective work. You’ll learn what to do when you see frizz and breakage, and when you feel dryness. That is the universal language of hair. No matter the hair “type”, the language is the same.
To be honest, although I’ve been immersed in this natural hair language for eight years, I still get presented with something that needs translation from time to time. I’m still learning to decode what my hair is telling me. The first twelve months is about learning the alphabet and the basics of hair language. From then on, it becomes understanding what is being said and how to respond. That is true communication—whether with a loved one, or your coily hair.
Your natural hair relationship doesn’t have to be dysfunctional! Learn how to decode what it is saying, and listen. You can stop fighting with it and coexist in peace.
Coils Redefined is constantly adding content to help with transitioning to natural, and natural hair care. Join our mailing list to get notifications about new blog posts and programs!
Do you want to improve your relationship with your tresses? Find out how to work with me.
